“I told you five times!” — hearing is not the same as listening
The moment. You say: “Put away your toys, wash your hands, take your water bottle and come to the table.” Ten minutes later, only one thing is done.
From the parent’s side. “They heard me and chose to ignore me.”
From the child’s side, one possibility. “I heard the first part. Then I was distracted or forgot the order.”
A common quick response. Repeat the entire long instruction, louder each time.
Try instead. Get close, make sure the child is available, then give one or two clear steps: “Toys in the box. What will you do first?”
What this teaches. Listening includes noticing words, understanding them, holding them in mind and responding. A child can hear clearly and still lose part of a long instruction. Language familiarity, distractions, tiredness and the number of steps all matter.
Three small steps
- Connect before giving instructions; do not shout from another room.
- Break tasks into short steps.
- Ask “What will you do first?” instead of “Did you understand?”
Another everyday example. In an online class, a child may know the words “draw”, “circle” and “red” separately but struggle with “Before you circle the red object, draw a line…” This calls for simpler instructions and practice, not embarrassment.
Try it today. Give a short two-step instruction in a playful tone. Ask the child to say or show the first step.
Age-aware ways to try it
- Ages 3–5: One instruction at a time, with gestures.
- Ages 6–8: Two to three steps; repeat the plan together.
- Ages 9–12: Ask the child to summarise a task and choose the order.
Look for progress. They respond to more of the instruction or ask, “Can you say that again?”
Keep this idea. Listening is understanding and using information—not staying perfectly still.
“You forgot your bottle again” — teach a system, not just reminders
The moment. Every morning you say “Bottle! Lunch box! ID card!” Yet something is forgotten. It feels as though you must remember everything for everyone.
From the parent’s side. “Will I always have to chase them?”
From the child’s side, one possibility. “I can remember some things, but the morning is busy and the list is in your head.”
A common quick response. Remind repeatedly and blame the child when something is missed.
Try instead. “Let’s make a leaving-home checklist and put it near the door. You can check it.”
What this teaches. Memory means holding and using information. Sequencing means getting things into the right order. Organisation means creating a system for belongings and tasks. These grow with practise; a checklist is a useful tool, not cheating.
Three small steps
- Make a small, visible list with the child.
- Practise it together for a few days.
- Gradually let the child lead the check while you stay nearby.
Another everyday example. Telling a story in order—“first, next, finally”—also practises sequencing, not only communication.
Try it today. Make a three-item checklist for school, bedtime or a favourite activity. Let the child choose the pictures or words.
Age-aware ways to try it
- Ages 3–5: Use pictures or objects in a tray.
- Ages 6–8: Use a written list and a fixed place for school items.
- Ages 9–12: Plan a project backwards from its deadline with reminders.
Look for progress. The child starts checking the list themselves or reminds you of a step.
Keep this idea. Reliable habits are built with systems, not endless nagging.
Quick thought. A child repeatedly forgets their bottle. Which response teaches a skill?
- Keep shouting “Remember!”
- Build and practise a child-owned checklist
- Pack it secretly every day
Best choice: Build and practise a child-owned checklist. A simple system helps the child remember and take increasing responsibility.
